The Exorcist

Tonight I saw a bunch of girls, staff and ex staff (fired for punching a customer in the face) looking around the corner of the building laughing. Their heads were stacked one on top of the other like in those old scooby doo cartoons.

I got Ty to cover the door and I mosied on down. Around the corner some kid was puking his brains out. It was like the Tequila Exorcist. If his head started spinning I would have nodded and gone "Yup, that fits"

So I headed around the corner back to the door, assured Ty that everything was good and sent him back to the dance floor.

About 2 mins later this kid came up to the door. I held my hand up as he approached (I don't wanna touch this dude) "Hey man, you've had enough, lets call it a night ok?" 
I'm being nice. I like this kid, he's weird, awkward, kinda funny looking. He's like a baby bird, or a chi hua hua; cute in that hideously ugly way.

"I'm ok" he declares.
"Dude," I said (as I write this I realise my dude ratio is getting up there, I think I need to spend some time in a library, or a classroom, or museum or something...I'm turning into a pale, overweight Jersey Shore) "I just watched you puking your brains out, you've had enough, you can't come in"

He replies, and no, I can't make this up: "It wasn't my brains, it was liquid"
No kidding. I blinked a few times and processed his argument. He wasn't lying, I'll give him that.
"Ok, Yeah, well I have a rule, you throw up, you go home"
"Noooo maaaaaaaan," he whines, "It just went down the wrong pipe.

Now, I'm a clumsy person. I often bite my own tongue, choke on cracker crumbs, burn the roof of my mouth on pizza, and occasionally, find my epiglottis in the the breathing position when it should be flipped over in the drinking position. I have never thrown up 3 gallons of beer and tequila over a mailbox beside a Staples as a result of this. Not once. I've coughed, my eyes have watered but I have never projectile vomited the contents of a tail gate party while giggling waitresses watched with a rare mix of horror and glee. Never.

I just stared. Then someone new came to the door who I needed to turn my attention to and lost track of Pukey McGee. When I next looked up, my awkward baby bird was getting into the back of a cab. I was thankful that I don't clean cabs for a living. Or mailboxes for that matter.