Stripes

Saturday was interesting. 

I showed up to see a big biker sitting at the window wearing his cut, which is illegal in our province. Can’t wear gang gear in a licensed establishment. James said that one of the waitresses told him he’d have to take it off but he ignored her. I said no problem, I’ll get into my gear and go talk to him. I came back out and he was already talking to some guy. They were looking at a police car up at the other end of the mall. I looked at the biker, 6’7” well over 300lbs and said,
“Yeah man, if they see you here with your cut they’ll pull you out, question you and won’t let you back in. I’m not allowed to let you in with that on either”

He was pretty good about it, pulled it off and threw it in his truck as the cops drove out of the parking lot. 

“Thanks, enjoy your night”
About 2 hours later a cop in a supervisor car rolled by and flagged me over.
“Anything going on tonight?”
“Nope, just the regulars” I said. It was actually pretty quiet with everyone behaving.
“We’ll be back” he said and sped away.

Fifteen minutes later every cop in town rolled in. They gathered outside the bar, then 10 cops went inside. 2 minutes later 2 of them came out with a guy in cuffs. Threw him in a car and drove away. Then a couple of them started talking to the big biker. As they were doing that his buddy, a skinny little old dude missing all four of his front teeth jumped behind a cop and pretended he was humping him from behind. Toothy came flying out the front door about a second later, admonished to stay out until the RC’s had left. He just laughed the toothless laugh of an old rummy, and stood around smoking.

They brought the big biker out and read him the part of the liquor act that says gang members can’t enter licensed establishments. Since he had no tattoos and was no longer wearing his cut, they said he could stay if it was ok by us. The guy wasn’t causing any trouble and was still sober so I said sure. He stood around for about a half our telling me about his constitutional rights. I'm a door guy, not a lawyer.

Of course they're real!

After that a girl in a skin tight striped dress, and older lady in a tie dyed top and a blonde with impossibly huge fake breasts walked up. Stripes didn’t have her ID and was furious that we made her go back to her car for it. The older lady didn’t have hers either. I started to joke with her that I wasn’t sure she was old enough when Stripes freaked out and told me that OBVIOUSLY they were all over 40. Boobzilla just looked at me and blinked. I let them in.

About 10 mins later one of our guys, CT, came up and shook his head. “You gotta see these girls, they’re crawling on the floor, flashing their thongs, its nasty in there.” CT has standards, but is no prude by any means, so I wandered in to see. Sure enough, Stripes was lying on the floor, legs spread, while Boobzilla was grinding in the air over her. I told CT to tell them to knock it off. He went over and told them to tone it down. Stripes told him to relax, that her dad owned the strip mall we were in, said she’d take him home if he was nice. Boobzilla blinked and smiled.

Stripes did tone it down a bit but we were still occasionally treated to random views of her thong. After a few more drinks she started making out with Boobzilla who appeared to enjoy the whole thing, blinking emphatically.

Later, CT asked Stripes not to stand on a bar stool. She was pretty wobbly at this point. She leaned down and told CT he should calm down and stop being “That Guy”. Eventually CT got her down. She wandered over to where Boobzilla was standing on the dance floor by the door and started making out with her. Boobzilla then pulled down the front of her top exposing her cartoonishly large breasts. They bounced in Stripes’ face and they all laughed. Meanwhile, half the guys in the place were parked at tables facing the dance floor, watching this display of class. The manager told us Stripes was cut off.

About 10 minutes later Stripes came flying out and tore a strip off CT for cutting her off. I’m not even sure CT knew anything about it. He said he didn’t know anything about. She demanded to know who cut her off. “I dunno, someone who thinks you’re too drunk” he shrugged.

Stripes stormed back in, furious that a bar would DARE cut off the daughter of a strip mall magnate such as herself. On her way she smashed into a small girl standing at a table by the door. The girl looked and stripes and said “Why did you hit me?”
Stripes, oblivious to her own actions, looked confused and told the tiny girl she didn’t do anything, and to fuck off.

The girl looked at Stripes and lost it, swinging at her in great arc, catching her forehead and nose on the down stroke. Stripes swung back and missed, hitting me in the shoulder as I stepped in. We got them broken up and the little girl was dragged outside.

Stripes looked at me and screamed “She hit me, I want to press charges”
“Relax” I said, “She’s gone, its over”
“NO! YOU SAW THAT! I’m pressing CHARGES!” she insisted in her best princess tantrum.
“Then call the fucking cops” I said walking away, irritated with this self-important mess in a striped dress. I went to see what happened to the other girl.

The other girl was being held back by friends and was pretty much over it when Stripes marched out announcing she was pressing charges.The little one lost her shit and started pulling away from her friends. A group of cops having a pow-wow in the parking lot wandered over and everyone started to calm down. Little chick’s friends dragged her off before she could get arrested. Stripes marched over to the cops and started sticking fingers in the chests demanding that they press charges. The big cop who had been in earlier looked at her and said. “Don’t touch me” 

I walked away. I ended up talking to another cop who asked why the guy in the Harley jacket with the little tiny man bun was sitting on a bench watching them. I told him Man Bun was waiting for them to leave so he could drive his bike home. Shitfaced. “Noted” the cop said.

“I told him he shouldn’t, his friends told him he shouldn’t, but he’s determined” I said.
Just then Stripes blew by us looked at me, wagged a finger at me and said “You! Shouldn’t…” then she couldn’t think of anything else and staggered over to Boobzilla and Old Tye Dye, who just blinked. They all hugged and Stripes flipped us off and landed in a cab, gone for the night.

I found out after from a friend at work that Stripes actually didn't have a credit card to start a tab, so she had offered up her watch as security. When she went to pay her tab she demanded that they return her "priceless Rolex". It was something more in range of a priceless Timex, but really, who's gonna argue when she's just about to leave the building.

The cops, suddenly all scrambled, jumped in their cars and took off. Man Bun saw this as his opportunity. He swaggered over to his bike, looking up and down the road for cops as he put his lid on. “Dude” I yelled. He wasn’t a bad guy, just has a case of stupid.

He turned and looked at me.
“All those cops are here because there’s nothing going on tonight. That means they will be nearby waiting for drunk drivers. You’re gonna get caught.” “I don’t fucking care, I can’t leave her here” he nodded at his hog. “You shouldn’t drive bro, you’re gonna wreck yourself” I tried another tact.

He then told me he only came down to see one of our bartenders, and that he was worried she might have seen him making out with a couple of different girls (Who turned out to be Stripes and the little chick…maybe there was more to that fight than a simple bump in passing)

He then announced he was Canadian and free to travel. And he was staying at the same hotel as Stripes. He wasn’t afraid. Fuck it. He hopped on and kicked the bike over. I shrugged and walked away. He was going to drive right by the spot where the cops wait for drunks coming out of our parking lot and I gave him fair warning.
He swung his bike around in a huge circle coming within inches of smashing into a line of parked cars. James just looked at me and said “Holy shit, did he just about hit all those cars!?” “Yup”

We went inside and had a well-earned Schlong Island Iced tea.