Boys Don't Cry

October 30, 2012
I've noticed a disturbing trend at my bar. Men crying. I don't know if there's something in the water in Airdrie, or just a high concentration of pansy ass patheticness in the area , but there is far too much drunken male crying in the bar. 

Dont get me wrong, we live in an age where it's socially acceptable for men to have more than two emotions. And I'm not talking about guys who just lost their dog, or found out they only have 2 weeks to live. Talking about drunk-ass fools who's weekends "just aren't going my way"

Suck it up bitches. Have some self respect. There is nothing sadder and more pathetic than a grown ass man sitting in a bar full of people blubbering into a half drunk pint of hops and barley 'cause "life isn't fair"

Unless you find that you're a grown ass man standing outside a bar with tears freezing on your cheeks because "no one understands me!". Suck. It. Up.

Crying. At a bar. In Canada. Unbelievable. You want something to cry about? Go live in freakin Syria for a few days and see how hard your life is. Go get shipped off to war somewhere. Go build iPads in a sweat shop at foxconn. Then, and only then you can come cry in your beer. Hell, I'm buying the first round.

You know when you get to cry? When really bad shit happens. Not shit that's your own fault. Girlfriend left you? Don't cry , just stop being an asshole. Spent your cab fare on shooters? Stop crying, walk the fuck home. You're friends hate you? Let's revisit that asshole thing.

I swear, the next loser I see at the bar with tears in his eyes is going to get the hardest backhand they've ever experienced in their miserable lives. Your teeth will rattle mother fuckers.

I'll get away with it too. I'll look the judge right in the eye and say "your honour, he cried in the bar" and the judge will bang his gavel in digust and cry out "DIS-MISSED!!"

I'll be a hero. You watch and see!