Less Than Zero

December 9, 2012
A regular came into the bar last night and said it was her birthday. I didn't even card her...she's there EVERY weekend. I know she's 18 going on 19. No problem. She proceeds to get insanely drunk and starts hitting on every guy in the place. It was like watching a blonde pinball getting slung around a bar shaped pinball machine, banging into everything in her way but scoring zero points. Just making alot of noise.

So Pinball's got no ID and is well and truely over-served. Then the liquor commission guys showed up. First time they'd ever come in, too. Two  gentlemen who could not only shut us down for the night, but also hand me a hefty fine, decided to drag me around the bar IDing some of the younger looking drunks in the place while birthday girl is teetering on the brink of... well just teetering actually. Thankfully one of my guys smartly grabbed Blonde Pinball and hid her in a corner keeping her busy by telling her she's pretty or something.That's a lie. She looks like Stiffler's mom would have looked at 19.  The government guys found no problems, overlooked my babbling birthday reveller, thanked me and left. Bullet dodged.

Later that night I found Pinball on her hands and knees in the snow outside, looking very close to evacuating her stomach. I got her jacket and her friend and walked them to a cab. She fought the whole way, started crying and informed me that she hated me and I was an asshole who would regret making her leave the bar.

I did feel something as her cab pulled away. I doubt regret is the right word.