The Invention of Lying

So last week we threw a guy out for harrassing the bartender. He also tried to slam the door on my arm when I finally got him to leave. Real class act.

He turned up again tonight when there were about 20 people in line. He walked to the front and told one of my guys he was on the VIP list. My guy told him he wasn't (because there isn't one) Drunk shit head then asks the manager's name, so Ty tells him. DSH (Drunk Shit Head) then asks if he can come in ahead of the line for $20, holding the bill over his head so everyone in line can see. (I swear I should write a book on how to grease a bouncer). Subtlety is not a strong suit here in A-Town. They argued back and forth for a bit.

Ty was a bit grumpy tonight and gets angry and again says the guy isn't coming in. The guy replies, "Oh yes I am, you'll see", then starts dialling his phone. This is a common ploy...this is when the drunk moron bluffs that he knows the manager and is going to get the bouncer in trouble. What he forgets is that he already had to ask the manager's name. Ty yells at him to get back in line, so he does and I took over from Ty at that point.

Thats when I realized it was the same Shit Head from the week before. "Hey Ty, is that the same shit head from the week before?"
"I dunno" Ty shrugged and ambled back inside.

Now drunks in line ups (or queues for my Aussie mates) are like glaciers. They're cold and they keep slowly inching forward. If you're not careful you'll look up and they're all over you and you get crushed. I yelled for everyone to take a big step back to avoid a fate worse than death. That's when DSH yells, "How much longer do I have to wait?" as though we were personally inconveniencing him.

That really pissed me off. "Hey dude, you might as well get out of line now because there's no way you're coming into this bar tonight" I yelled over about 15 people.
"Why?"
"Cause you're being an asshole" I replied.
"I tried to give the other guy money" he yelled, over top of all the cold people standing ahead of him, like an idiot.
"I don't care" I replied.
"Well maybe you're an asshole" he said.
"I can live with that" I said
"You're a fucking asshole" he reiterated his arguement.
"You just said that" I pointed out. Meanwhile the group in the front is having a good laugh at DSH's expense.
"FUCK YOU!!" he retorted and stomped off. I guarantee he'll call the bar tomorrow looking for the manager to complain.

I just hope I'm in early enough to take the call.