Look Who's Talking

A great big muscle bound dickhead came up to me at the bar tonight and said, "Hey, this chicks causing problems" I look down at this little tiny woman who is FAR too pregnant to be in a bar full of staggering drunks, fight prone meat heads and the full gamut of Airdrie's intellectual elite.

"Do you know her?" I asked. "No."
"Do you know him?" I asked. "Who's baby do you think it is. He's got a knife, he went and got a knife when I was on the couch." she retorts. 
"Dude," I said to the meat head, "Tell me you didn't bring a knife into my bar."
Search me! He replied, throwing his meat arms into the air over his meat head.
So I patted him down. No knife.
"Ok," I says, "You two stay away from each other or I'll have to throw you both out."
"Dude" he said, "she's causing trouble, I'm just trying to have a good time."
Now, you see, I've realized that he's the father of the poor little critter growing in this woman's belly. The kid's future is already looking bright. Mom's a liar, dad's an asshole. She's making up stories because she doesn't want him out drinking. To be sure, the guy was a total jackass. Grade A douche meat this one was. This stupid couple have attempted to drag me into their domestic drama. Oh how I hate them. "Hey, I don't want to have any part of your domestic drama, separate or leave, both of you."

They part ways and end up in each other's faces at the other end. "Look, if you think he's got a knife call the cops." 
"Throw her out" he says.
"He took the biggest knife from drawer" She says. FFS
"ENOUGH!" I say and point opposite directions. They oblige.
I go back to my post. About 10 minutes later she shows up at the door and says to me, "You let him slip out the back I guess huh?"
"Lady, I've been up here since you last saw me. If he's not in there I don't know where he went."
"He took a knife from the house."
"He doesn't have it with him, I don't care. Call the cops. Or shall I?"
She stomps off. Later, he shows up and gives me shit for "not being a good fella" 
"Dude, if you speak to me again, about anything, the weather, hockey, the price of gas, I'll make sure you never have another beer in this place again."

That was the last I saw of him. Until the end of the night. Gave me a dirty look and left. Thats fine, I'll consider a dirty look the same as words. See how he likes drinking at the half empty dive bar over by he hi way for the rest of his time in Airdrie.