One night dick head comes in with a half way attractive woman. Except they didn't arrive together. It wasn't until much later in the evening that I discovered a link between them (this is what literary types call "foreshadowing") Let's give dick head a name. We'll call him Cross Eyed Mullet Guy.
It was a pretty busy night and I was running around doing my bouncer thing. Toward the end of the night I saw Cross Eyed Mullet Guy leave with a fairly attractive young woman. I noticed he had a black purse in his hand. This is a fairly common occurence. Women come into the bar with a purse but somehow lack the ability to carry it back out, forcing their boyfriend, (or in many cases, their companion for the evening) to carry it for them. I watched Cross Eyed Mullet Guy carry the purse out thinking it must belong to the fairly attractive young lady he was leaving with.
About five minutes later a nice lady with a Russian accent came up to me looking a little panicked and asked if anyone had seen a missing purse. Even as I told her no, I knew where it had gone. Why didn't I stop that guy and ask him about the purse? The Russian lady and her friends searched the bar high and low before returning to me. I asked if it was a black purse with a big silver buckle and she said yeah. I told them I watched someone walk out with it. Damn.
One of them went outside and found the purse, completely empty, around the corner. Russia gave her info to the manager and I told one of the guys they were with to call the cops. They found most of her stuff around the corner from the bar, but all her cash and her phone were gone. I was so pissed off.
The next day we checked out the surveillance cameras and sure enough we saw the Russian on the dance floor hide her purse under a pile of coats (she could work for CSIS!). A little while later Cross Eyed Mullet Guy and the fairly attractive young lady wandered up to the table. While everyone was dancing she stuffed the purse into his jacket and the two of them walked out. You can even see a dumb ass bouncer wishing them a good night as they walk past. He looked a lot like me.
Later I discovered Russia didn't bother reporting the stolen purse. She had gotten most of her stuff back. Two weeks later I saw Cross Eyed Mullet Guy in line at the bar. I pointed him out to all my staff with instructions never to let him in. I also pointed him out to a Mountie who casually asked him and his buddy for their IDs. When Cross Eyed Mullet Guy finally got to the door I wouldn't let him in. He asked why and I told him he'd had too much to drink. He said he only had three beers. I said he should have stopped at two. When his buddies proceeded inside without him he asked me if we could have a "civil conversation" to which I said "No, now please move away from the door," and pushed him out of the way. He got mad and jumped in a cab.
I can't do anything about Cross Eyed Mullet Guy stealing the purse, but I will make sure he never steals from our clientele again. This will be my new game, every week I'm going to come up with a new reason why Cross Eyed Mullet Guy can't come into the bar after he's been standing in line for an hour. I'll keep you posted on how that goes!
In the mean time, keep your stuff with you. If it won't fit in your pockets, leave it home, or hang out with someone who wears cargo pants! They won't mind carrying your shit, they'll just be happy someone invited them out somewhere in public!
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