Love Actually

V-Day

On Valentines day I was standing in the back, keeping an eye on things when a guy walked up to me. Tall, skinny, wearing a beard. He said hi, asked how long I’d been back working, told me he respected me and wouldn't cause any trouble. I said great, having no clue who this guy was but knowing full well that if he said he wasn't causing trouble, he’d be in the middle of it soon enough. As he walked away it dawned on me; oh yeah, I banned that guy for fighting a year or two ago.

Ten minutes later he and his 4 buddies are at the center of a scuffle.  I ran up to help get it under control and we all exploded out of the bar onto the side walk. After ten solid minutes of  shouting, shoving and posturing we got everyone calmed down and on their feet. Dozens of people who weren’t even involved spilled onto the sidewalk to watch.

Finally we got to a point where no one was holding anyone back, no one is threatening any one, and everyone is getting ready to leave. Then, out of nowhere, the drunkest guy there pushed some dude for no reason. The entire place explodes into a 30 man brawl. We’re all pulling people off of one another. A guy took a swing at one of my buddies so I pulled him off and we all ended up in a pile. He laughed and said “Oh, you want some ground and pound?” and proceeded to try and put me in a wrist lock. Prick. One of the guys ended up holding his legs and I wriggled out and got on top of him and held him down.  

That’s when his fiancé stopped by to tell me I had to let him up so she could take him home. No sweetheart, your asshole husband-to-be is going to jail. Then, the blushing groom told me that if I touch his girlfriend he’ll kill me. So I tried out this thing called a “rear naked choke.” I saw someone do it on the UFC one time. He started tapping the pavement madly as the small amount of oxygen that normally travelled to his brain was further impeded. Just a little reminder of where he was and how his situation was going. After a few minutes an RCMP officer came by to cuff him and drag him off. 

I know what you're thinking. "Dude, it was Valentimes day.You should have just let him go home and make sweet sweet love to his fiance." The way I figure it, we were doing  her a favour. What kind of man brings his fiancé to the local tap house for a Valentine’s Day singles party. Seriously. And any "sweet, sweet love" would have just been sweaty drunken flailing ending with him rolled up in a ball at the foot of the bed gently sobbing himself to sleep. While he was in jail she should have just set his stuff out by the curb and changed her number. I really hope they don’t procreate.

By then there were about 8 cops throwing cuffs on people, 7 bouncers holding people down, the DJ, bartenders and customers helping us out. I saw the bearded guy, who told me he respected me, getting thrown into the back of a police car. And his buddy, the guy who pushed someone for no reason? He was sitting on the ground. He was having trouble getting up because someone punched him in the face so hard his legs stopped working.  Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.

Eventually it all got cleared up and we all went back inside. At 3:30am one of the cops came back to get our statements. As we were locking up, my bearded friend and his 3 buddies showed up looking for one of our guys. Apparently they felt like they had been mistreated by one of us. The biggest guy in their group, the one with the biggest mouth who never, ever seems to back it up, decided they should just leave.

So that was Feb 14, 2015 in my little town. Lots of love.