Blue Hawaii

The night of the Mayweather Pacquiao fight was pretty busy. A buddy and I were working the door when a bunch of guys wearing Hawaiian shirts walked in. Here’s the thing with 6 guys in Hawaiian shirts coming to a bar in Airdrie to watch fights. They’re dicks.  They can’t even help it. I don’t know if it’s the power of the floral print, or the delusion of tropical grandeur, but 6 guys in Hawaiian shirts will always end up being dicks. These dicks were celebrating someone’s 31^st birthday.

After the fights the bar slowed down so we cut 2 of our guys, 1 of whom stayed on to have a beer.  The Hawaii 5-0 crew continued to be dumbasses, picking each other up, picking other people up, doing cartwheels on the dance floor, trying to order 25 shots at a time and just being dicks.

Finally 2am rolled around and birthday boy ran outside for a smoke.  He was pretty pissed off when we wouldn’t let him back in. I went off to talk to the cops about some old guy who got punched out earlier in the evening.  (Apparently he called a young lady a name that the cops wouldn’t repeat to me, and her boyfriend took exception and knocked him out cold in front of a starbucks) As I was giving them my details I saw a fight break out in front of the bar. I ran over to help break it up. 

Some guy was whaling on the birthday boy. I got between them and asked him to stop and he did. Just like that, he turned around and walked away. Birthday boy suddenly grabbed me so I held him down while he freaked out.  His buddy grabbed me from behind so I turned around and shoved him hard into the loving arms of an RCMP officer. Instead of just leaving it be, he started to wrestle with the cop. Genius.

I turned back to my guy just as two of his other buddies came running at me from inside the bar. Our off-duty guy had just finished putting his staff shirt back on in time to yank these guys back before they could lay a hand on me. (Thanks buddy!) Finally the cops came around and grabbed the birthday boy who was still losing his shit. That’s when I saw a can of pepper spray in one of the officers hands, (or at least I thought it was), either way, I was done, I hopped up and let them handle it.

As they cuffed the birthday boy and his buddy, I could see he had a broken nose. The rest of his crew decided to start crowding the cops, telling them what the law was (getting drunk and fighting in front of a bar is not illegal as long as everyone agrees to it), and arresting their buddies was illegal (you can’t arrest a guy for getting drunk and starting fights in front of a bar), and police harassment (a cop shining a flashlight at you is police harassment).  

One dick tried to engage us in a drunken debate as to who owns all the sidewalks (every sidewalk is public property, even if that sidewalk is on private property. Parking lots are also public property, so if you want to stand there threatening people, that’s perfectly legal). We held them back from getting near the cops while they did their thing. Then one of the Pineapple Gang decided that it was ME who started the fight with his buddy. The cop I was talking to earlier just shook his head.

Finally they let one of the douchebags go and threw the birthday boy in the back of a car. We went back to our station in front of the door and watched while the Hawaiian Tropic crew recorded everything on their phones and threatened to call their lawyers. The youngest, most newfie sounding of their crew informed us that he had at least 2 lawyers on speed dial. Of course you do.

The cops told them to get lost or they ‘d get arrested so they walked away; straight towards us. They gathered in front of the door giving us dirty looks for a few seconds before deciding to surround us. I told them to back up and they told me to fuck off. So I shoved two of them back. On guy grabbed my arm so I grabbed him by the head and threw him to the ground, then drove my elbow into his jaw. The other boys pinned the rest of the group up against wall by their throats until the cops came and broke us up again. They eventually staggered off to cabs, announcing that they’d somehow “won” whatever they thought had transpired.  

I found out later what started it all. Birthday boy looked at some guy holding his wife’s purse and called him a fag. Some other, bigger dude, who happened to be standing nearby, told him not to call people names. Birthday boy said, “What the fuck are you gonna do about it”. So bigger dude broke his face.

Anyway, it was far more exciting than the MayPac fight, with much less hugging. And Friday is only 3 days away!!

Mayweather Hugs