The Lincoln Lawyer

Some kid walked out of the bar Friday night. He got outside, pulled a drink from under his shirt, drank it and tossed the glass in the bushes. I didn't see it, i was distracted by something shiny. Or boobs. Anyway, my buddy Nick saw it and grabbed the glass.

When the kid came back I told him he couldn't come back and told him why. He shook his head because I was being unreasonable. Later he came back with his more sober buddy acting as his advocate.

"Why can't he come back in" asked my new intellectual foe.
"He came out with a drink and threw the glass in the bushes"
"So?" His come back was swift and punishing. It took me a few moments to think of an adequate retort.
"So you can't do that"
"Where's the glass?" he asked, looking around for exhibit A.
"Inside where it belongs"
"Yeah, so what, we got that glass at a strip joint and brought it in with us when we got here" he said, explaining how right he was and how wrong I was.
"Well, you can't do that either" I explained, unsure where he was going with this. I looked at Nick to object but his expressionf said "I'll allow it" so I didn't bother.
"Why'd you let us in with a glass then?" my adversary demanded.
"I didn't see you take it in" I said.
"Good fucking job bouncing" he said, delivering a killing blow.
He then proceeded towards the door. I stuck my hand out and pulled him back out of the bar. "You're done, go home" I said.
He muttered under his breath and walked away shaking his head. He stood near by smoking and remarking loudly about how dumb bouncers are.

Ten minutes later he and his buddy came back with their hats pulled down over their faces. We stopped them again and told them to leave. They asked why. I can't remember what I said. I think it was "because you're an asshole" but I'm not sure.

They finally left for good.

The next night they walked in again. I saw them at the back of the line. I walked to where they waited and told them they might as well just turn around and leave, they weren't coming in.
"Why?" the smart one asked.
"Because of all that shit that happened last night"
"We were just drunk" he reminded me.
"No, you were just an asshole, (that's when I said it!) so you can go cause you're not coming in here"
"But we were just drunk"he said.
"Yup, and an asshole, so you're not welcome here. Have a great night" I said and held the door open for him.

He shook his head again and muttered under his breath. I don't know what he said but I'm sure it wasn't nice. I wonder if he'll come back next week.