Dumb and dumberer

I love female police officers. They have a no bullshit attitude towards their jobs. They don't take shit off of anyone and they're efficient once they make a decision. And I don't know, I think there's something about a woman in uniform.... All kidding aside, full on respect for our female police officers.

They all look like this right?

So we talked to these two guys about not arm wrestling in the bar. One of them, lets call him Dick, got pretty agitated and excited. He recognized one of our bouncers from high school and said he'd behave but to keep that guy (our bouncer) away from him. On his way out for a smoke he stopped by the bouncer (who went to work the door to steer clear of the guy for a bit) and said something along the lines of "Oh by the way, I fucked your girlfriend", then  continued to shout things at him while smoking.

Since the guy was a dick, I walked over, handed the him the stuff he'd left inside and told him not to come back. That didn't go over well. He demanded to know why. I told Dick, "You're insulting our staff, you're too hyper, too agressive and I don't want you in here" He insisted on seeing the manager, claimed we had his ID (we didn't) and started telling me about his rights. He told me that we needed to call the cops because we were violating his rights. You know, his right to come into our establishment, act like a fucking asshole for a few hours, treat the staff like shit, and come and go as he pleases. Those rights.

Just as he was saying that a cop drove by. I had spoken to this RCMP officer earlier about something else and she was really great to deal with. So I flagged her down. I told her the guy was asked to leave, wouldn't leave the premises and wanted to speak to her about his rights. As we were talking he sauntered up and started to complain. She ordered him to back off till we were done. He slinked away. When I finished I walked back to the door and he went over to plead his case. I could hear her telling him he had to leave.

I don't know what else was said but she drove away. He stood there stupidly till she left and came back to the door, starting to say something about coming back in. Suddenly, she appeared out of no where and threw cuffs on him. "I told you to leave, now you're going to jail" Dick thought this was relatively unfair and let us know his feelings.

At this point his big tall lanky stupid friend tried to pull the guys arm from the cop's grasp. Had one of our bouncers not grabbed him and pulled him back I'm pretty sure he would have gotten tasered. I really wish had gotten tasered. Seriously, morons getting tasered would be the highlight of my night.

Big tall and lanky went on and on about how his friend shouldn't be arrested because he was going to be a father in January. I don't know if he thought the guy was going away for 8 months for public drunkenness, or if maybe having impregnated some poor girl with your idiot genes was some sort of legal defence against being arrested at all, but he was very adamant that this pregnancy was of the utmost importance. I think, to be fair to the child, and society in general,Dick should give up the child for adoption immediately. Dick isn't smart enough or mature enough be around other human beings in a public place, let alone have a child.

As Dick was getting arrested, Lanky walked over to the car, once again almost getting tasered, and asked the cop to take his number down so Dick could call him when he got freed. She said no, that it wasn't her job. So Lanky says the funniest/pathetic thing I've heard a drunk say in a while, "Yeah, I guess it's not your job to care." Aww, poor guys.

So Dick went off to the tank, and Lanky stood outside for two hours smoking and insulting us until the rest of his friends (friends, noun: guys who stay in the bar and drink after you've been kicked out for being too stupid to be in a bar) came out and left.

I think I'm gonna buy a taser.