Meatballs

I haven't worked as a bouncer at the bar for some time now. But I do hang out there from time to time. Every-so-often I'll notice some knuckle dragging meat head looking at me, with his head cocked to the side like a dog, trying to figure out where he knows me from. Usually its from kicking them out of a bar.

One night I stopped for a drink on the way home. I sat down only to realize I was 2 seats down from  meat head.  I ordered a beer and chatted with the bartender. Eventually Meathead and his buddy noticed me. They sat and whispered while I sat and drank. After about 10 minutes of this he saunters over and asks if I remember him.

"Yeah, didn't I throw you out of here for fighting?" I said.
"Yeah, well, I wanna know the name of the guy who sucker punched me, where can I find him?" he said.
"I dunno, I think his name was J. but that's all I know" I said.
"How come you treated him better than me that night" he said, agitated.
"I didn't. You got into a fight, I threw you out, someone else threw him out"
"Yeah?" he said, sullenly "I think he's your buddy, that's why you treated him better than me"
"He's not my buddy, like I said, you get into a fight, you get thrown out. That's how it works at every bar in Alberta man. As a matter of fact, I let you stick around and talk to the manager because you said he was a friend of yours"
By this time a couple of friends of mine had shown up and sat with me. Meathead was holding onto one of those giant 1 litre beer glasses like he was gonna swing it. The bartender, some new guy looked like he was going to pee himself.

Meat head starts again, asking where the guy who sucker punched him was, I gave him the same answer, then he asked why I treated the other guy better...seriously, reread the last paragraph, twice more, that's how our circular conversation went.

Finally I said, "You know, its your fault you got fucking sucker punched eh.We watched the video cameras after. You were up on the dance floor all shit faced slamming into everyone. You slammed into that guy and he clocked you. Simple as that."
He looked at me, furrowed his impressive sloping brow and said "There's no cameras in here"

His buddy, who was actually doing a pretty good job at keeping the peace up till now said "yeah dude, they're all over...look" We waved his arms expansively, revealing a ceiling covered in security eyes.

Meathead furrowed his brow again "Yeah, well, the manager showed me the tapes and I didn't slam into anyone"
"Wait, you just said there were no cameras, so which is it?"

Meathead didn't have an answer for that, he just readjusted his grip on the giant beer glass. Meanwhile one of the regulars had circled around Meathead and looked as if he'd pounce like a feral cat if that glass came off the counter too fast. "Yeah, well, I think you've got some sort of problem with me" Meathead said, like a child.

I was getting tired of this, I stood up "Yeah man, I do have a problem with you. I didn't, but I do now. You're standing here harassing me about a fight you got into over a year ago. As a matter of fact, I seem to remember pulling a guy off you, and stopping another guy from punching you in the back of the head. Then you went out back and whined to the manager for an hour, and told me you were a Hell's Angel (he isn't) and that I better watch who I was fucking with. So yeah dude, I've got a problem with you."

He just looked at me. You could hear tiny wheels turning behind his dull eyes, squeeking, straining..."I don't believe that"
I shrugged, turned and sat down with my back to him.
He stood a moment longer, then walked away "Fuck this, lets get the fuck out of here" he said to his buddy. He trudged out, his buddy in tow.

The bartender stopped holding his breath and looked at me. "You guys were making me nervous" I just laughed and told him not to worry about it.

Meathead ended up at someone's house after that and told everyone he would have kicked my ass if all my friends weren't there. I guess the 10 minutes he had before my friends showed up wasn't enough time to get that job done.

Anyway, the guy he's looking for had been a regular at the bar for about 2 months. I had spoken to him a few times and it turns out he had just gotten out of jail after a 14 year stint in Dorchester for beating a guy to death with a baseball bat for sleeping with his wife. He never came back after the fight with Meathead. But yeah...I'll definitely reacquaint Meathead with him if I ever get the chance. I'm sure it'll work out for him.