There was an old guy sitting off to my left. He was on the phone with a buddy who he kept referring to as "You fucking asshole..." in between trying to give directions. Apparently if someone doesn't understand your directions the best thing to is repeat them more loudly. Between calls he kept interrupting my conversation with the bartender. He would loudly announce that people should smoke more pot and the government should stay out of our fucking business. I would smile and nod and go back to talking to the bartender. Unsatisfied that he wasn't receiving enough of our attention, he started playing songs on his iPhone. Nickleback. Sigh. The bartender kept asking him to turn it down, and he would for a while. Finally I got sick of all this and moved to another table.
Later I heard a commotion at the end of the bar. The old guy was joined by his friend Fucking Asshole. They were yelling and swearing about God knows what. I don't know if they were arguing or celebrating. They were certainly drunk. One of the other patrons yelled at them for swearing so much and they calmed down for a bit. I moved down and hung out by the bar. The bartender asked them to leave after they finished their beer. Of course it couldn't be that easy; one of the old guys tried to steal a beer stein. The bartender asked for it back and after much clever flirting (Thats when old guys say incredibly stupid or crass things to young bar staff who have no choice but to put up with their shit) they left.
About 2 minutes later Fucking Asshole walked back in. He was intercepted by the manager who told him he couldn't come in. "Well I gotta use your bathroom"
"Sorry, you were asked to leave, you can't come back"
By now I had wandered up just in case. Dirty old guy then walked in and said "What, he can't use your bathroom? Just spent a hundred bucks here and he can't use your bathroom?" (The going price for a cheeseburger and 3 beers)
"Sorry, there's another bar up the road, you can try there" said the manager.
Dirty old man then said to Fucking Asshole "do you have to shit or piss?"
"Shit" replied Fucking Asshole.
"Let the man shit!" said Dirty Old Man.
"Time to go" said the manager.
"Fuck you" said dirty old man, and he and his partner left.
The manager said "Man, its like, 2:30 on a Tuesday! Well, somehow dirty old man heard that and stuck his head back in the door.
"Yeah it IS 2:30 on a Tuesday!" he argued.
We just looked at him. "Fuck you!" he said giving us a sort of wind mill flip off.
"Don't come back"
"I won't come back, I'll fucking kill this bar!" said Dirty Old Man, and away he went.
We watched them weave their way over to a Star Buck and laughed about how the 18 year old emo kids were going to handle our pair of aging rock stars
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