The age of innocence

Friday was just one of them nights.  Nick and I were rocking the door most of the night. I was taking IDs and checking bags, he stamping people and making sure people coming in belonged there. All sorts of fun things happened at the door.

The Bitchy Thief and Her Friends

At some point a girl walked up. I recognized her, sort of pretty in an off beat sort of way. The type of girl you'd probably spend time with, but you'd still be looking at other girls. She had come in with a hillbilly douchebag a few months ago and stole a purse. I took her ID looked at it, handed it back and said, "yeah you can't come in here"

"Why not?" one of her friends asked. I just looked at our friendly neigborhood purse thief.

"Because you came in here with some guy and stole a purse a few months ago."

She didn't even protest. "Oh, Ryan" she said. I guess douche bag hillbilly is Ryan. I like my name for him better. Let's go with that. "Well he stole it"

"No, the video shows you grab the purse from a pile of coats, stuff it in the guys jacket, and walk out with him. Don't come back."

She said something or other about how it was a long story and walked away. Her friends came in with out her.

Later she tried to sneak in, we said no. Then she tried to reson her way in. We said no. So she hung out outside the bar for 3 hours.

Later, her friend came up to me and said "those 2 girls you just let in are underage. My mother can get 2 cops her in 10 minutes and shut you down."

"Make the call" I said. 

"Fine!" She walked away, dailing, calling my bluff.

"Hey, should I show them the video of your friends stealing a purse while there here?" I called after her. We laughed at her. She frowned.

The Little Asshole

Later one little dude walked up and we blocked the door.

"You can't come in here" I said.

"Why?"

"Because we have to throw you out every time you come in. So you're not welcome here anymore" I said.

"For how long?" he asked

"Forever"

"I didn't do anything" he argued.

"No, not tonight" I said, "and I'm not giving you the opportunity. Have a good night."

"That's fine," he said walking away, "You're a prick anyway."

"I get that a lot" I panned.

My little buddy walked away, then came back about 10 mins later and hung out outside for about an hour. He ended up hanging out with the purse thief.

The underaged girl

A girl walked up to the door with a stamp. But it was kinda smudged, so I asked for her ID again. She didn't like that but presented it begrudgingly. It didn't look like her. I asked her for her address, which she'd rehearsed perfectly.  I noticed her birthday was near mine so I asked her for her sign. She thought about it then said "Taurus" 

"No, you're not" I said.

"Yes I AM" she screamed.

"Sweetheart, if this is your birthday you'd be a Leo." 

"I'm a TAURUS!!" she screamed again.

"I'm sure you are, but the person in the ID you gave me is a Leo. Have a good night"

While all this was happening the two guys at the head of the line were cracking up at everything I said

Well, that was unnacceptable. She started to cry. Her friends ran to get the manager, 2 minutes later there was a full quorum in front of me. The manager took my side of course. My little Taurus informed me she'd be speaking with the owner. Cool. Can't wait to hear about it.

Blow

Last week James caught 2 guys in a stall together. He pushed the door open, they tried to slam it shut. When they came out they were curious why James would think they should be kicked out. 

"You're doing rails in the shitter" he said (I'm paraphrasing, I don't remember what he said to be honest)

"No we're not" one of the idiots said.

"You might wanna wipe the white shit off your face while you're telling me that" James replied.

They left.

Harassment

You should have seen this girl. She was tall, rail thin, had one of those stupid clip in hair extensions on the back of her head. She had the make up gun set to whore. She staggered around, a little drunk, alot high. She let a strange guy do some pretty nasty things to her on the dance floor. We would have stopped them but we were laughing too hard. 

She staggered out for a smoke halfway through the night. She stopped in front of Nick, turned, and started chatting him up. She grabbed the string from his hoodie and played with the ends while whispering sweet nothings in his ear. He told her he was married. That just encouraged her.

Later, no her way out, followed by the gentleman who had recently had his fingers in places he probably shouldn't in a public place, she stopped at Nick again. This time after a bit of pillow talk she tried to kiss him. He turned his head and again informed her he was married. We were laughing while it happened, then suddenly she reached down and grabbed him by the junk. He looked at us for some relief but I was crying I was laughing so hard. 

Later he looked at us all disappointed "Friends don't let friends get raped dude"

That just made us laugh harder at him.