First Impressions

I was standing in front of the bar when a girl in a slinky dress popped out from the door and bounced in front of me.

“Hi, are you the full time bouncer?” she asked in a cheerfully weird accent I couldn’t quite place.
“Uh, yeah”
“Cool!” she said “So if anything goes down you’ll protect me?”
“Actually I was kinda hoping you’d protect me, I’m only little” I joked.

She laughed and ran her hand down my arm smiling huge. Wait, is this little drunk chick hitting on me?

“Its so nice to have some big strong guys around. The last place I worked we didn’t have any bouncers so I had to break up fights myself” she said.

Ohhh, this is the new waitress. Ok, this is all coming together now.
“Well, you look like you could handle it” I teased. 

She grabbed my arm, and laughed, leaning over so I could see down her top. Then squeezed my elbow and went inside saying she’d see me around.

She went to the bar and sat with two knuckleheads. The type of guys that arm themselves with an ‘eat shit and die’ look on their faces at all time. The guys that smoke like there’s really no time to be smoking and fling their butt’s angrily at the ground for no reason, only to return to their beers and their ‘eat shit and die expressions’. Exactly the type of guy that attracts girls like our new waitress.

About 10 minutes went by when we got a call from Big A on the radio. “Need bouncers in the men’s room!” James and I hustled to the back leaving CT to man the door.  We got to the hall and the two ‘eat-shit-and-die’ guys were coming out of the bathroom, followed by the new waitress wearing a weird smile like this was some sort of fun game, and finally Big A.

“We’re leaving” the first guy growled, wiping white powder from his hands.
The two men grabbed their smokes and keys from the bar and left. The new waitress kinda hung out by the door.

“What are we gonna do about this” I said to James and Big A.
“Kick her out! I don’t care if she’s staff or not, she was doing coke in the handicap stall with two guys”

He was right.
“Yeah you gotta go”  I said.

“I just went in there to warn them not to do it or they’d get kicked out” she lied.
“Yeah, in a locked stall with two guys?” quipped Big A.

She hung out outside for a bit. Then she decided she needed to talk to someone who was still inside. She started calling to them, trying to get them to come out.

“You need to leave” I said to her. By now that manager had caught wind that the new waitress just got thrown out for blow after her second shift. Hanging out and causing a scene was going to do nothing to keep this girl’s job safe.

“I think you need to leave”
“You need to shut the fuck up” she replied.

Suddenly I didn’t care much what happened to her job.Her friend came out and they talked by the curb. He was telling her she needed to smarten up, and she was arguing about that. Finally the friend went back inside, shaking his head. She came to the door and asked me, as sweet as can be, if she could come in and talk to the manager. 

“No, I don’t think that’s a good idea” I said.

She walked away and smoked angrily with a small group of people. I over heard her say “That fucking asshole wouldn't let me back in” pointing my way. Eventually her friend came out with some buddies and they wandered away from the bar. 

I didn't work the next day but I found out she’d been fired. I suspect she'll show up at the bar with a group of friends next weekend like nothing happened. I don’t think she’s going to find a particularly warm welcome. Oh, and it turns out she'd been hitting on everyone!

Pay it Forward

I'm happy to say not much exciting happened this weekend at the bar. That doesn't make for interesting stories though, but I'll see what I can remember.

Snow day
Just as I was getting ready to start my shift I noticed the manager and 2 of the guys talking with a waitress by the ladies room. In our bar "Ladies" is mostly an honourary title. It seems someone told a waitress there were two women who had come out of the same stall. Our manager went in after and there was a suspicious white powder all over the tank lid. I asked if it smelled like cocaine. I didn't get an answer on that. One of the guys went over and told the two girls who had come out (we didn't catch them in the act but we knew who they were) that drugs weren't tolerated at our bar. The two guys they were with were typical middle aged douchebags wearing just enough"just for men" to give away that they were only dressed like 20 year olds and may do steriod but don't really work out much. They made up some bullshit excuses as to why they might be in a stall together.

Flex Appeal
There was this young kid who kept coming in and out of the bar. He was kind of a little guy but he looked like he's probably seen the inside of a gym. I know because every time we asked to see his stamp, or even if didn't ask, he cocked his arm and flexed as he showed us the stamp on his hand. He was also kind enough to switch up his poses for us to keep things interesting. We, of course were throughly impressed by his display of awesomeness and began our own pose down routine.

One More Round
At the end of the night with the doors locked theres always a whole bunch of drinks left on the tables by the door. I didn't see it, but apparently one of the brazilian kids that hangs out (we have a bunch of brazilian kids, don't they know how cold it is here??) grabbed a bunch of left over drinks and started handing them out to a group of girls, then went back for seconds. My buddies were howling watching this kid just brazenly hand out other peoples half drunk drinks. I walked over and told the kid to never, ever do that again, ever. His english got extra bad and he seemed to have a hard time understanding until I told him he'd never come back again. Then he seemed to understand and was sorry.

Runner Runner
I saw a server and the manager running around at the end of the night looking for someone. Apparently the girls from the start of the night and their douches skipped out on a 270 tab and had left a fake credit card. I told you it was an honorary title.

That's pretty much it for this weekend. I can't wait to see what fun we get into next weekend!

Powder

So these three guys came in last night and got fantastically drunk playing the VLTs. I called out last call and they came over to sit at the bar for a last drink. Fine. The one guy, the drunkest of my stooges missed his chair completely. I grabbed him a water, which he immediately spilled. When I came back with a bar towel to clean up this particular shit head, he was sucking the water off the bar with a straw. Then suddenly he stuck the straw in his nose. Thats when I realized that these three geniuses were doing rails right at the bar.

"What the fuck!?" I said in disbelief.

"Oh, you want some?" said the Moe of the group, holding up a credit card with a tiny little line left on it. Larry just sat there stupidly.

"No!" I said, "You can't do that in here. You guys gotta get out of here."

I printed off their bill, and the Curly of the group had staggered back to the gambling machines. Since he had all the money I went his way and interrupted him as he tried to cram a 20 into the machine.

"Hey, you gotta go, here's your bill" Curly was too drunk to read the bill so he brought it back to his buddies. After about 10 minutes of trying to figure out how to split a $90 bill between three guys, one of them finally produced his bank card. "Are you sure you don't want some?" he asked.

"No, I don't, just pay and go dude" I said. (or something like that)

"Oh sorry, I thought we were all on the same page" he slurred.

They finally paid and staggered out.

The rest of us went to Denny's. I got a burger. It was pretty good.